Drinking, Depression and Denial >
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of Alcoholics Anonymous
(740)215-7194 or (740)654-4698
PO Box 222
151 E. Hubert Ave, Lancaster OH 43130
151 E. Hubert Ave, Lancaster OH 43130
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Drinking, Depression and Denial
Hello! I'm from rural Southeastern Ohio, where my parents moved our family
when I was about five years old. We had previously lived in a suburb of
Columbus, and the transition from urban to rural living was easy for me. My
brother and sister were a few years older had a little more difficulty, I suppose
because they had friends in school and were more established 'socially' than I
was. We lived on a small farm -- greenhouse, fruit trees, vegetable garden,
pumpkins and the like -- with two houses on our property, connected by a
breezeway. As time passed the area became more residentially developed, but
property values remained steady and the area maintained that 'country living' feel.
My first recollection of getting drunk (getting sick, really) was when I was nine or
ten years old. My sister and her friends were having a party in the 'second'
house. I sneaked gulps of some kind of sweet wine (Mogen David or MD 20/20,
I can't recall for certain). After awhile I went to the 'main' house where Mom and
Dad were, and into my bedroom, where I guess I passed out, and eventually
vomited. The next morning my parents were somewhat dismayed, to put it
mildly. My brother was at the outhouse, and I was waiting to go next. I
remember asking him if it was normal to get sick and see everything in 'threes'
when one drinks.
I will jump ahead a few years to when I was about 14 years old. I started working
as a gas station attendant, working 25-30 hours a week after school and
weekends, and paying taxes for the first time. I met another young man working
there named Steve, and we soon became best of friends. One night, the two of
us managed to get hold of some Genessee Cream Ale and our first joint. Of
course, I got sick again. We both got sick. The two of us continued to dabble in
pot and alcohol, and it became part of our usual routine. We eventually were
caught with some pot and empty beer bottles, and got into typical teenage
trouble. Steve died in an accident a few years later.
Fast forward about four years. I met a girl at a party, and we hit it off. We got
married in 1988, primarily because we were pregnant! My daughter was born,
and I began a career at a power company. I was drinking, but not using other
drugs at that time. My son was born in 1991, and in 1992 I transferred to
Circleville as an apprentice lineman. I would stop after work "with the guys" at a
couple of the local bars as a matter of routine. In 2000 I was having extreme
vision problems, and after numerous tests, I was diagnosed with Multiple
Sclerosis. I stayed in a state of denial, and began drinking more to anesthetize
my physical and mental changes. I didn't see or feel the changes my body was
going through, but later I found out that people around me were keenly aware of
those changes. I got my first DUI in late 2000 after a union Christmas party. I
picked up a second offense in 2003, and I lost my job as a result of being
incarcerated for 120 days. My wife filed for divorce on Valentine's Day of 2003,
and she moved into her own place about three weeks after I was released. We
attempted to reconcile, and after about six months she stopped divorce
proceedings and we moved back in together. Her insurance had enabled me to
get treatments for my MS (they were very expensive) and required injections into
my thigh, triceps, and lower back six times daily. My drinking increased in
quantity and frequency. A change in insurance carriers caused me to be unable
to continue my medical regimen. My wife's grandmother moved in with us briefly,
and died at our home. It was a very difficult time for us. In April 2005 I picked up
my 3rd DUI, which I fought in court for awhile. I was accepted into Drug Court in
September 2005, but I continued my normal pattern of drinking and working,
working and drinking, and descending further into depression and denial. In
January 2006 I was charged with yet another DUI. I stayed briefly in a regional
correctional facility, and by some miracle was transferred to the transition center
where this AA group meets, and started my new understanding of the nature of
my disease. I was sheltered away from access to drinking and drugging, and
spent my days doing chores, and developing and working a program to help me
maintain sobriety. This became my 'job'...not the 8 hour a day kind, but a 24/7
kind.
I am coming to understand my past thinking and behaviors for what they were,
and what I was allowing to control my thinking processes and actions. Today, I
work my 12 steps every day, and revisit them as often as I necessary to keep
from falling back into old behaviors and patterns. Compassion, empathy and
humility are beautiful words. But getting an alcoholic mind to learn them, feel
them, and practice them is ironically a very painful experience. Odd as it may
sound, accomplishments and failures can both be relapse triggers for me. But
the most important thing in my life today is my SOBRIETY. I hope that doesn't
sound selfish, but it is the truth.
Today, I try to surround myself with caring, determined, spiritual people. I work at
being true and honest with myself, and am finding a new life known as serenity.
Thank you for allowing me to share my story with you.
Hello! I'm from rural Southeastern Ohio, where my parents moved our family
when I was about five years old. We had previously lived in a suburb of
Columbus, and the transition from urban to rural living was easy for me. My
brother and sister were a few years older had a little more difficulty, I suppose
because they had friends in school and were more established 'socially' than I
was. We lived on a small farm -- greenhouse, fruit trees, vegetable garden,
pumpkins and the like -- with two houses on our property, connected by a
breezeway. As time passed the area became more residentially developed, but
property values remained steady and the area maintained that 'country living' feel.
My first recollection of getting drunk (getting sick, really) was when I was nine or
ten years old. My sister and her friends were having a party in the 'second'
house. I sneaked gulps of some kind of sweet wine (Mogen David or MD 20/20,
I can't recall for certain). After awhile I went to the 'main' house where Mom and
Dad were, and into my bedroom, where I guess I passed out, and eventually
vomited. The next morning my parents were somewhat dismayed, to put it
mildly. My brother was at the outhouse, and I was waiting to go next. I
remember asking him if it was normal to get sick and see everything in 'threes'
when one drinks.
I will jump ahead a few years to when I was about 14 years old. I started working
as a gas station attendant, working 25-30 hours a week after school and
weekends, and paying taxes for the first time. I met another young man working
there named Steve, and we soon became best of friends. One night, the two of
us managed to get hold of some Genessee Cream Ale and our first joint. Of
course, I got sick again. We both got sick. The two of us continued to dabble in
pot and alcohol, and it became part of our usual routine. We eventually were
caught with some pot and empty beer bottles, and got into typical teenage
trouble. Steve died in an accident a few years later.
Fast forward about four years. I met a girl at a party, and we hit it off. We got
married in 1988, primarily because we were pregnant! My daughter was born,
and I began a career at a power company. I was drinking, but not using other
drugs at that time. My son was born in 1991, and in 1992 I transferred to
Circleville as an apprentice lineman. I would stop after work "with the guys" at a
couple of the local bars as a matter of routine. In 2000 I was having extreme
vision problems, and after numerous tests, I was diagnosed with Multiple
Sclerosis. I stayed in a state of denial, and began drinking more to anesthetize
my physical and mental changes. I didn't see or feel the changes my body was
going through, but later I found out that people around me were keenly aware of
those changes. I got my first DUI in late 2000 after a union Christmas party. I
picked up a second offense in 2003, and I lost my job as a result of being
incarcerated for 120 days. My wife filed for divorce on Valentine's Day of 2003,
and she moved into her own place about three weeks after I was released. We
attempted to reconcile, and after about six months she stopped divorce
proceedings and we moved back in together. Her insurance had enabled me to
get treatments for my MS (they were very expensive) and required injections into
my thigh, triceps, and lower back six times daily. My drinking increased in
quantity and frequency. A change in insurance carriers caused me to be unable
to continue my medical regimen. My wife's grandmother moved in with us briefly,
and died at our home. It was a very difficult time for us. In April 2005 I picked up
my 3rd DUI, which I fought in court for awhile. I was accepted into Drug Court in
September 2005, but I continued my normal pattern of drinking and working,
working and drinking, and descending further into depression and denial. In
January 2006 I was charged with yet another DUI. I stayed briefly in a regional
correctional facility, and by some miracle was transferred to the transition center
where this AA group meets, and started my new understanding of the nature of
my disease. I was sheltered away from access to drinking and drugging, and
spent my days doing chores, and developing and working a program to help me
maintain sobriety. This became my 'job'...not the 8 hour a day kind, but a 24/7
kind.
I am coming to understand my past thinking and behaviors for what they were,
and what I was allowing to control my thinking processes and actions. Today, I
work my 12 steps every day, and revisit them as often as I necessary to keep
from falling back into old behaviors and patterns. Compassion, empathy and
humility are beautiful words. But getting an alcoholic mind to learn them, feel
them, and practice them is ironically a very painful experience. Odd as it may
sound, accomplishments and failures can both be relapse triggers for me. But
the most important thing in my life today is my SOBRIETY. I hope that doesn't
sound selfish, but it is the truth.
Today, I try to surround myself with caring, determined, spiritual people. I work at
being true and honest with myself, and am finding a new life known as serenity.
Thank you for allowing me to share my story with you.